Creative Mediocrity For Fun and Profit

"I'm all about Truth, Justice, and the American Way, baby. And part of the American Way is macking on hotties." -- The Mighty Buzzard






Yet Another Tedious...





Me: Jefferson
ICQ: 5306225
AIM and Y!: dexcheque






Creative Mediocrity For Fun and Profit





   

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Shameless (And, I Assure You, Worthy) Plugs:
Super Sister Raindrop Outlook

The Mighty Buzzard's
Here There Be

The goddess of, well, something I'm sure -- Genevieve's Ink Stain

The eye candy at Aristry Images

Dr. God's
Waxing Sociologic
Katriana's
Waxing Theologic


Other Groovine Stuff:


The Raging Capitalist
Inaudible Refrain
HopelessWonder
Fallen
Chris's Noodleshop
Xaos Rising
Siren's Song
Where you can find Davemania!
Into the mind of Phases
Stepherific's Blog-o-rific
Through a Glass, Darkly
The Occasional
Hatshepsut
Illusion
How The Other Side Lives
and of course...
Why Being Human Kicks Ass




Stuff I Like To Keep Up With:



What's playing at the nearest theater to Yours Truly



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The Deep And Abiding Wisdom of Yours Truly About:
Mediocrity
Luxury
The Temperment Of Being Sick
Proper Application Of Jealousy
Tequila
The Appeal Of Wisdom
When Women Actually Come To The Rescue
The Refreshing Integrity Of Strippers
Guy Math
Kissing
Flirting
Settling
Relationship Sex Vs. Casual Sex
The Male Sex Drive
Women
Types of Women
Tom Boys
Cats
Dogs
Metrosexuals
Nice Guys
Crush Friends
Change
Shoes
Hope
Individuality
The Hosses
More About The Hosses
Good Old (well, still new) Tink


* Yours Truly
* More About Yours Truly





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Monday, April 26, 2004
Sweet-Nothing

The index and middle fingers on my left hand hurt like hell, Interested Party. Tink and I had ourselves a nice little get-together and while I did use a cotton rope – I did not, in fact, wear gloves. Tink is not broke to a lead-rope, see.

She loves me to death – it is remarkably like those cute little crushes that little girls have on much older cousins. She adores me, she follows me, she harasses me. Really though, her affection is more because she's been imprinted to me. Since the day she was born, I've been a fundamental part of Tink's universe. I am part of the Way Things Should Be. Frequently a part bearing Good Things To Eat.

I am not a real horseman, Interested Party, and I'm damned sure not a cowboy. The only thing I can say in favor of wearing wrangler jeans is that they somehow manage to protect the lads better than levis when you're riding. Anyway, what I am is a very capable slacker with a self-centered, affectionately mercenary colt. The last time Tink had a halter and lead-rope on her was on the twentieth of June. One week after Tink was born. One week after Friday the Thirteenth. It was easier that time – she was brand-spanking-new so she wasn't sure whether or not this was the Way Things Should Be. Plus, well, let's not forget the most important factor back then: I was a lot fucking bigger than she was.

Anyway, my Interested Party, today I put a halter and lead-rope on her again. She was intensely curious about the whole game, since she couldn't quite figure out which parts were actually good to eat. Then, Interested Party, I pulled the slack out of the rope and suddenly the Rodeo, as they say, Was On. It degenerated into a wrestling match.

Tink came unglued – she was hopping, twisting, trying to spin. Meanwhile I was trying to keep myself positioned so that she could neither pull the rope out of my hands nor get any slack. Only, like I said – I'm no horseman. A horseman would have thought to wear gloves.

The rope went burning right out of my hands and Tink took immediate advantage of her new freedom flopping heavily onto her side and then getting her front legs tangled up into the pen's pipe fencing. In a moment, she was going to panic even worse and start flailing, try to get up, and possibly break one or both legs in the process so I did the only thing I could think of to calm her crazy ass down – I tackled her head and pinned it to the ground.

Of course, I whispered sweet nothings into her ear too – because if you're going to tackle any female's head you'd better be awfully damned charming about the whole affair. You'd better make fast with the compliments and the sweet-talk, Interested Party, so they know they aren't in genuine trouble. My uncle and my dad ran over and disassembled the pen fence so they could get her loose, by which time she was calmly laying there relaxing to the breathless crooning of Yours Truly.

So, in the aftermath, Tink hopped up and instantly started trying to figure out which of my hands or pockets I was hiding the goodies in. Whereas I am just wondering how long it'll take for my fingerprints to grow back.




Posted at 08:30 pm by soapwort
Comments (10)

Friday, April 23, 2004
Cure For One Of Those Moods

And, because life has a respectably ironic sense of irony, when you least expect it one of those things you'd rather be doing on a Friday night happens -- and will happen to be wearing great perfume and a truly remarkable pair of jeans. Which is why a person can't genuinely hate a friday night.



Uh, hypothetically.


Posted at 11:22 pm by soapwort
Comments (1)

One of Those Moods

Let me assure you that there are quietly amazing women tonight, who have a Good Thing Going. And it ain't, as they say, you. Or me. Put on your boogie shoes, Interested Party. With a little bit of luck, we'll be strutting in them soon.

Amazing women, Interested party. Women you know personally. Women with talents and values and passions and outlooks that make the world in general a far better place be – not just spend the weekend – and these women have lives they are leading which do not, in any way, involve either one of us. Women who still have great things to do and superb people to be. Women who have, or will have, guys who fit capabaly and effectively into their universes. And these guys will not be either one of us.

When facing this reality, my Interested Party, do not make the mistake of letting your ego do the reacting for you. Your ego will whisper harsh things into your ear. Your ego will point out all of their faults while not mentioning a single one of your own. Why is this? Because it's your ego. That's it's job. Not to tell flat-out lies, but definitely to withhold certain facts.

The point is you've got groovy things to do too -- and groovy folks with which to do them. There's precisely no reason to be bitter when things don't flow the way you'd rather expected they would. Life's chock full of expectations, and expectations are notorious for souring in rather short order. What do you expect? Now go ahead and be sad – just don't fool yourself into being faux-sad. Into being sad for them or for reality or fate. Be legitimately sad for yourself for not having held the clarity to have seen any of it coming.

I'm reckon myself to be an individual with a disasterously successful sort of charm and sensibility. It allows me to enjoy and appreciate exceptional company. It may very well be responsible for my having met and dated some exceptional women – and exceptional women kick a lot of ass, Interested Party. Their abilities, their loyalty – even the way they man-handle their own eyebrows can greatly assist your appreciation of exactly how much ass they do, in fact, kick.

That's right, I appear to be in one of Those Moods again. It's been a while, hasn't it? And on another Friday At Home, no less.

Rest assured there are other things I'd rather be doing on a Friday night.



Posted at 11:12 pm by soapwort
Comments (2)

Thursday, April 22, 2004
Chemical Condition

Camel filters? Check. Trusty zippo? Check. Exhaustion? Check. Nip of amber corn squeezings? Check. Tesla, five-man-accoustical-jamming Goodbye Paradise? Sure, why in hell not. Pondering the nature of sexual Chemistry? Three guesses, Interested Party.

Chemistry brings some kind of glamour into the stark personal reality of the fact that someone you dig happens to dig you too. It's common-ground, only with far more bells and whistles. Fireworks. Everything that happens in the middle of Chemistry happens with abruptness. Up to, and including, the desire to lick her fully into fits. It's all sharp. The smells and the sounds and the textures -- all of it. Even during a long-assed ride to take her home.

It's not your basic common-ground. It's common-ground with accessories. The accessories of one of the most basic drives of the species. The same desire that led your ancestors, for farther back than you could count them, to bring about you – that same urge is along for the ride too. You, Interested Party, are the result of a very long line of successful -- and similar – desire. Which means that you've come by your appreciation of sexual Chemistry honestly.

It doesn't matter how much else you have in common, see? It doesn't matter how much they agree with every fiber of their being that The Doors was overrated. It doesn't matter how many of the same books the two of you love. It doesn't matter how many times she's taken the words right out of your mouth. Without that Chemistry, she's just good company. Without Chemistry so are you.

With Good Chemistry, however, even the stupid shit you say when your wit has taken an abrupt leave of absence can add to the fun. You can both laugh your asses clean off, and do it without losing your rythym. Good Chemistry covers a multitude of faults. It disguises them, so you don't notice how they chaffe for quite a while. Still...

It may be, Interested Party, that Good Company is something you hold dear. It's understandable – since there's a lot to be said for Good Company. It's got a hell of a shelf-life, for one. But if one of the things said about Good Company is not, “Hey I want to make you squeal” -- you don't want it to progress any farther. I've tried it before, and it's a wash. It's as much a waste of Good Company as it is of passion to even try.



Posted at 12:41 am by soapwort
Comments (8)

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Wednesday Kind Of Love

I could, my Interested Party, tell you all the ways in which my day was Not That Bad. I could mention, for example, the plot a friend of mine had to come by today and pay attention to me in any number of ways. It is a Glass Is Half-Full sort of statement.

But then, in the interest of full disclosure, I'd almost certainly have to mention how her conspiracy failed entirely, since I didn't get off work early enough for her to still have time to come over and be sociable. She's busy. I'm busy. But, alas, we didn't get any of our busy together. I am painfully well-traveled in the waters of Bad Damned Timing. I know every current and reef, Interested Party – enough so that this could easily turn into a treatsie on the tragic subject.

Or instead, I could bring up the two adorable little things I flirted lightly with at work. Each of them fall into the category of Cuter Than A Pet Coon. The difference between cute and hot, by the way, is in how satisfied you are to be interacting with them regardless of how many clothes they have on.

But again, there's that whole full-disclosure beast, rearing it's ugly head. Anyway, we were all just being a little playful – playing Twenty Questions. Rather, they were playing Twenty Questions and I, my old Interested Party, was merely answering them with passable charm. And then, out of nowhere, they innocently assured me that They Have Lots Of Single Friends I Should Meet. And thus the Glass Became Half-Empty.

I know what you're thinking, Interested Party. Had I asked either of them to lend me money? Had I kicked a dent in one of their cars? Had I run over their dog? Had I pissed all over their desks? Had I asked either of them how much they weighed, and then looked skeptically no matter what they answered? The answer to these questions is the same. No, my indignant little Interested Party, I most assuredly had not. When I realized I was expected to respond to this revelation of theirs, I inquired as to whether or not these Single Friends I Should Meet happened to dance for the Laker Girls. I was asked if this was a stipulation -- and so as to not seem a complete bastard, I replied that it was not a stipulation so much as a passionate curiosity.

Damnation. Not that I won't flirt with the two cute things tomorrow, mind you. Assuming I make it by to do some follow-up work, I mean.

But at least the weather this evening manifested itself in the form of millions of frozen, high-velocity, pea-sized avatars. The sky went from patch-work blue to overcast to light rain to heavy rain to mean assed hail within about a fifteen minute period, once again reminding me just how volatile April in Oklahoma can be. And just in case you happen to be curious, when hail is taking its business seriously -- it hurts. Right about then it occurred to Yours Truly that sometimes the Glass Isn't Half-Anything. Sometimes the bottom shatters out of the damned thing and spills shit all over your lap, Interested Party.

So at this point, I could go on and on and on about any number of tragedies. I could talk about Flirting Ettiquitte. I could talk about the dangers of Blind Dates -- and I'm sorely tempted. Hell, I could talk about Tuesdays in Wednesdays' clothing.

And instead I've just bitched in a very self-involved fashion. Okay, so I'm usually carrying on in a self-involved fashion -- but at least I generally bother to be more interesting than this when I do it. I'll just sit in the dark and growl for a while.



Posted at 08:53 pm by soapwort
Comments (2)

Monday, April 19, 2004
Train of Thought

I once saw the band Kansas perform. Remember Kansas, my old Interested Party? At all? I bring up Kansas for two reasons. The first is that I was suddenly reminded of them when Alanis Morrisette's Uninvited just kicked up on the stereo just about three and a half minutes ago – a song I heard Kansas do during that show. To this day I have no idea just who is doing a cover of whose. Or did they, by some astronomically mystifying coincidence, both happen to write the same damned song? You just never know.

The second reason, closely bound to the first, is that I'm just following my train of thought and seeing where it takes me. Trains of thought can be a blast, Interested Party. -- your noggin trundling along an path, the order of which makes perfect sense to you and you alone. Usually, anyway.

It is kind of groovy in some fundamental way though, when you're sitting quietly alongside someone you're on the same wave-length with, each of you rattling along your own personal trains of thought, and suddenly they break the silence by saying something completely on track with what you were thinking. You know what I mean? You start to trace back how it is you wound up arriving to your own current mental geography and realize that there were a full eighteen different stops between what you're thinking about now and what you were talking about with the other party ten minutes ago. So how in the Candy-striped Gates of Hell did they wind up getting to the same thought?

Part of it probably has to do with the nature of humanity. Thoughts are contagious, but that's not exactly what I'm talking about. If thoughts are contagious, hopping from person to person, so too are ways of thought. Not just the big things like mathematics or philosophy or Sliced Bread, either. The little ones too – the little ways we look at things. We breathe these things in and they try and find a hold. If they're strong enough, efficient enough, they might mutate a bit to fit their current host – but they do grow. Otherwise the thoughts and ways of thinking just shrivel and die. Maybe because the host wasn't ready; maybe because the ideas weren't strong enough to cut the proverbial mustard. Happens all the time, my old Interested Party.

So then if these things are communicable, then socialization – ways we interact with one another – is the contaminated fountain. The dirty toilet seat. The shared cutlery. Here we are, connecting with one another – each of us altering our behavior in subtle ways in order to accommodate each other. Even when we're being decidedly unaccommodating. Finding some sort of common ground from which to relate to each other – it makes communication so much more efficient that way. We are a social species, after all, so this is just natural. Then we find ourselves surprised when someone suggests, completely out of the blue, clear sky, that you both go get some grilled-cheese sandwiches moments after you were idly wondering why it's been so damned long since you've had one.

When you alter your behavior, you alter. You're just a little changed. They wind up a little changed. Suddenly that's something else you have in common – both of you are finding your way through common ground so you can interact better. And you're both doing it without actually thinking about it. Once you're up to your fun bits in common ground, you can start picking up on all this other groovy stuff -- the communication between you is vastly more efficient. It's getting a full eighty miles per gallon. This allows you to utilize incredibly subtle levels of interaction that you could never have achieved before. If you don't believe it, Interested Party, just try being ironic in a language you're only vaguely competent in.

Damn, it's fascinating how we function together, isn't it? Even when everyone's got all their clothes on.




Posted at 07:07 pm by soapwort
Comments (3)

Saturday, April 17, 2004
Suspicion

I am currently having a very distinct and abiding suspicion, my good old Interested Party. Specifically, that I should have better things to do at midnight-thirty on a Friday night than to write.

And, who gives a happy damn whether or not Yours Truly is, in fact, a breast-man those things should have boobies, damnit.


Posted at 12:45 am by soapwort
Comments (3)

Thursday, April 15, 2004
Day of Celebration

At the moment, my parched little Interested Party, I am being serviced by the ministrations of our friend Mr. Beam. He's not a friend. A friend looks after your best interests. No, no – Beam is more like an attorney. He does what you want and he does it because you paid for it. He completes his task utterly without conscience – a quality you want both in an attorney and a sour mash bourbon.

Anyway, this moment finds itself nestled snugly among the first minutes of a Thursday – which is quite possibly the best invention of Western Civilization. Sure, lego's kick fundamental amounts of ass, and so do John Wayne movies – but don't forget, Interested Party, these things came to pass after the invention of Thursdays. Fuck sliced bread in the neck, I say. Thursdays are the standard to which all later inventions should be compared.

You have, no doubt, noticed my enthusiasm for All Things Thursday-esque. And it may happen that you are curious about it, Interested Party, so I'll sing some praises. You know, just in case you're not well-versed.

Thursdays, by nature, are satisfying. They don't have the hopelessness of a Monday and they maintain none of the pressure of a Friday. And Thursdays are as far from Tuesdays -- at least in spirit -- as a day of the week can possibly be.

Now, assuming you aren't a student of the behaviors of weekdays, you're probably wondering what kind of pressure Fridays could possibly exert. Think about it, Interested Party. Fridays are the beginning of the Weekend. The Weekend. If your Friday is bad, so too, will your Friday Night be. And that is half of your weekend festivities, since you only have one other evening during which you might fully enjoy being the gender you were blessed with. Thursdays have a whopping none of this pressure – while still managing to not be a Monday or a Tuesday.

And as for any personal reasons for adoring Thursdays, I suppose I could provide a few details. Humor me and let's play a little game called It Was On A Thursday.

It Was On A Thursday when I fell madly in love for the first time. As it turns out, it happened just after, of all things, a telephone conversation with this adorable little tom-boy – you know, when you're more inclined to be introspective.

It Was On A Thursday that three of my list Top Five Best Sex Ever happened. They all occurred completely without planning – and this has a great deal to do with the intrinsic qualities of Thursdays. For that matter, It Was On A Thursday when I suffered the only two heart-breaks that I've ever had to muddle through – but that's just it: Thursdays are the best day for surprises of any sort, see? If the surprise is pleasant in nature, it fits right into the scheme of Thursdays. And if it's a surprise more ill in nature, well, at least your weekend isn't completely screwed -- you've still got plenty of time for whiskey.

That, my Interested Party, is a thoughtful day of the week if ever there was one. It makes me wonder just what this one will have in store when I wake up in several hours. Of course, I won't get around to doing it if I don't get some sleep. So with that I say Good Night.



Posted at 12:12 am by soapwort
Comments (9)

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Trinity

Throughout myth and fable, my Interested Party, you can find references to the Three Ladies. The Fates, the Furies, the Witches -- The Maiden, the Matron, and the Crone. The Ladies are a force to be reckoned with.

Reminds me a lot of The Girls – a term of affection we use for the horses. Tink, Rosie, and Cee. Only instead of the Maiden, Matron, and Crone, they're Damned Foolish But Hopefully Growing Out Of It, Really Damned Foolish, and Damned Foolish Matriarch – respectively. I am no horseman, my crow-hopping little Interested Party. The horses and I pay attention to one another, and we communicate according to our respective wishes. Don't romanticize it though -- it's not so much Horse Whispering as it is Horse Cussing.

Dad's crooked-eyed five year old Rosie will suddenly take it into her head that Perfectly Normal Phenomena – things that even the ten-month-old Tink won't bat an eye at – are seriously, maliciously out to get her. Things like the fourteen-thousandth drop of rain during a shower – which as we all know is a particularly maligned rain-drop as a rule. Or, on occasion, she will go assholes and elbows because she suspects Yours Truly of something sinister, whether I've moved or made an unusual sound in the last five minutes or not. Yep, Interested Party – Rosie can be monumentally foolish, but at least she has the social grace to be embarrassed about it after she's finished throwing a wild-eyed fit.

Tink has an excuse for her foolishness. She's not a year old yet, so her philosophy goes something like: I Have The Right To Do What I Want, Whenever I Want, And To Whomever I Want, And Furthermore Aaaaah That Tree Is Scary -- Run Away, Run Away, Which Reminds Me -- I Want To See What Your Hat Tastes Like. The world still works according to her limited experience, so far as she knows – which is why she has no moral qualms about trying to mug me when I'm working with her. Half the time I do have something for her to eat.

Cee is old – more than old enough to buy her own liquor. She's contrary, and when things go against her version of the Order Of Things she's completely willing to make everyone's life as miserable as possible. Part of her world-view, though, is that if she's got something to eat then whatever is being done to her – or with her – is acceptable. If she's got her head in a feed-bucket, you could probably catch her on fire and she wouldn't bat an eye. Well, until she ran out of feed. At which point she would commence to making you miserable again.




Posted at 11:16 am by soapwort
Comments (2)

Saturday, April 10, 2004
Little-Thing And Big-Thing-And-Little-Thing

Damnation, sometimes I miss being wrapped up with a woman in one of those strange, comfortable relationships withwhich terms like “exclusive” and “girlfriend” coincide. Not to the extent that I intend to accept any run-of-the-mill applicant, mind you – but that sort of togetherness is filled to the brim with all these little moments and big moments that belong to no one but you. Well, and her too, obviously.

You know what I mean – sharing the sink while you both brush your teeth in the morning, even if there wasn't time for any of that groovy morning sex before you both got up. Standing next to her while you both listen to some stupid song and knowing exactly how much she's not impressed – not because she's said so, or because her body language suggests she would rather eat a sack full of broken glass – but because you are so used to listening to things with her ears in addition to your own. Being surprised by a woman who not only displays an apptitude for Knowing You So Well, but who furthermore manages to enjoy Knowing You So Well, too. Any surprise worth a two damns has to come from something like that, my faithful old Interested Party.

And the big things as well, you know? Recognizing a brief look of genuine panic as it flashes across the face of a woman, and finding that it's instantly contagious – because you know so completely that she's the sort of person who is rarely so obvious about being that rattled. Being able to share your losses and your victories with one another.

I still maintain that it's all about that great and terrible connection, Interested Party. In it's absence, I'll take the fleeting, unpredictable sort of connections. A kiss here, a fling there, and maybe a phone-call or two wedged somewhere in the middle.

The great and terrible connections, I find, are harder and harder to come by. And while that rarity ain't precisely a pleasant quality, I reckon it's a good quality. It means you're not inclined to settle. It means that you, despite any evidence to the contrary, are growing.

The old standards for exclusive relationships get higher – and the ex-girlfriends are the ones to thank. Good old ex-girlfriends, my Interested Party, bless their hearts.

If it weren't for them, how else would we have found out all these secrets about ourselves? How a smart, sexy girl finds us every bit as smart and sexy – and can't get too much of us any more than we can get too much of her. How much we can contribute to a woman's actual life, even when we're looking the other way – some entirely different person than ourselves who is every bit as capable in her own ways as we are in ours. And how so many of the little bits of her own life can feel as much like home to us as our own.

So, of course, the standards get higher. Finding a woman with whom you can connect gets more and more involved, because you keep finding more and more depths to the connections themselves. You keep on finding things that you're not going to settle for doing without in any future relationship. You become harder and harder to impress, but damnation when you do manage to be impressed, everything else just makes more damned sense. How much more it seems to mean when the little things happen with her – a simple gesture where she comes up behind you and wraps her arms around you and lays her head on your shoulder.

The trick, of course, to being harder to impress without becoming a Bitter Son Of A Bitch or an Utter Rotten Bastard is to keep learning to appreciate things that are smaller and smaller. These are the things you can appreciate regardless of how deep a connection you share with her. How a woman might tilt her head when she's smiling at you from the next check-out line over. How a chick holds her coffee cup when she's sitting across the cafe from you, just reading a paper and tuning out the rest of the world. How a chick stands after she's just realized that she's locked her keys in the car in the rain. How a chick's eyes might dance around when she's laughing about the crazy thing that happened at work last week.

Of course, I'm fresh out of little-things this weekend as it turns out. I should've had plenty of little things Friday night, and even more of them today. Alas, all the little-things called to cancel. At least, though, they all were thoughtful enough to call and cancel after they were already supposed to be here. Damned women.

So what's the point of all this rambling and carrying on? What an excellent question, my fine-feathered Interested Party. I'm not sure myself. Probably just some sort of mantra about how There's Risk In Little-Thing-Connections And In Big-And-Little-Thing-Connections. Which just fucking figures, doesn't it?



Posted at 06:42 pm by soapwort
Comments (8)

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