It is a commonly held belief, if not precisely articulated, that babies are wise – that they have an accute understanding of fundamental truths which we have spent our lives overlooking. Babies just stare at us, unashamedly observing everything we do. They do it without apology, and they do it through something so comfortingly human that one discounts cold calculation immediately: drool. It's hard to feel you're being criticized by someone whose face and hands are dripping with spit.

And when we stare directly back, the baby never seems to mind enough to quit. Watching with large eyes and keeping its own silent counsel. Yeah, Interested Party, I can see why it is that babies may seem, to the layman, like they've got secret understanding on tap.

Rest assured, my Interested Party, babies ain't wise. I mean, it's easy enough to forget babies are folks who, with the addition yet unformed legions of neural pathways, advance to the point where they will try operating a doorknob with their forehead while running as fast as they can. However, let Yours Truly remind you, they're people who must practice for at least year just to contribute to a conversation by shrieking "Nononono!" and "Cooook-ie!".

Wise, my ass. Says a lot about us humans though, doesn't it? We human critters are gooooood at filling in the blanks. If you have a baby, you interact with him or her. Take my word for it, Interested Party. And they leave a lot of blank spots in their socialization. A baby will not, for example, say, "Hey guys, hold that thought while I go somewhere else and take a shit. But just as soon as I wipe my own ass, I'll be back."

There are a lot of things babies don't bring to a social situation. But one thing they do bring is attention. Acres and acres of raw, unabashed, non-critical attention. And one thing other people like is to be paid attention to. It's a perfect match.

Anyway, I expect this gorgeous kid of mine is likely to pick up some of my more endearing habits. He's already a flirt whose taste is developing right along. Some of this is natural apptitude, however, not simply learned behavior. He seems to be sorting out how to make his dimples work in his favor – and I, personally, am fresh out of dimples.