How’ve you been, my old Interested Party? Not too bad, I reckon. Things come and go - which is remarkably like Things, ain’t it? They come, they stay, they go. And still, when it’s all said and done, you and I are still here with a little more to show for it than a simple ticket stub. Plus, well, Things are notorious for doing all this at a far greater frequency during the summer.

So, I’m glad you’re still here.

As for Baby Doll and me we’re peachy. We’re beyond peachy. We are phenomenal. And so is the Descendant. So far as we have any indication, he is simmering along right on schedule. He digs the Beatles, the Eagles, Pink Floyd, and Chris Cornell. He’s been like this since long before he actually hatched. How do I know this, you ask? Because he used to stomp Baby Doll’s pancreas in time with any of their songs that happened to be playing loud enough for him to hear.

Now of course I have hundreds of pregnant chick anecdotes I could share. Thousands of pregnant chick quotes. Among my most recent favorites would possibly be: “It’s been a full two blow jobs since we’ve had normal sex.” And what more can a guy ask for than that sort of genuinely unpolished and still abruptly hilarious wit? Nothing, Interested Party - at least nothing that doesn’t involve chocolate chips at any rate. I could sing the praises of Baby Doll, who didn’t have a drop of pain meds during labor. Or how conscientious and attentive a mother she turns out to be. Or how less than a month later, her ass looks every bit as sweet as it did when I first began contemplating buying it a drink - causing me much gnashing of teeth at that damnedable Six Week Rule.

Anyway, here sits Yours Truly watching Moonlighting on DVD and I’m drinking in a most non-Baptist manner. I must say that the two go together smoothly.

Good thing I’m not a Baptist. Nothing personal if you are, my drenched little Interested Party - I just feel a little sympathy for anyone who is so opposed to alcohol that they’ve had to build a full quarter of their religious doctrine against it. Really, though, who knows? Maybe there are Baptists who realize that alcohol isn’t near so bad an idea as a shit load of the ideas that folks come up with on their own. Like gossip. Or mayonnaise.

I am suddenly of a mind to quote the weatherman on one of the local channels. During a recent bout of wicked thunderstorms rife with tornado watches in this region, there was a weatherman on who said, and I quote, “These clouds are out-flow dominant - which is good news for folks in the Wynnewood and Pauls Valley area who want to remain that way.”

Now, I know what you’re going to say, my old green baize Interested Party: “What’s any of this got to do with the price of whang in china? What about the baby? I want to know more about him! And also, Where In The Fuck-berries Have You Been?”

Rest assured, Interested Party, that you are not chopped liver. How’ve you been?